Two weeks ago, I put my three children - and eight years of being a stay-at-home mom - to bed. My middle child had trouble going to sleep, choosing instead to send me off with a hysterical fit of crying and wailing. I got in my car for a two-and-a-half hour drive, barely able to see as I hopped on the interstate due to the ensuing tears that fell from my eyes as a result of the sorrowful goodbye.
Before I married my husband, I had been a producer for a national Christian daily radio program. It was a great job, allowing me to meet many authors and speakers. I worked with a highly-respected host and co-host. The job of a lifetime! But I had the good fortune to meet a wonderful man. He asked me to be his bride, and we moved across country.
Back toward the end of the year, God started opening some doors to allow me to return to this position after eight years of being away. It was quite an amazing experience, just watching how He worked. And as we began to explore His plan and our options, we knew we'd be facing some sacrifices in order to make a better outcome for our family.
This would mean I would have to be away from the family during the week. A double income - even for a couple of months - would allow us to accrue a savings that we could apply toward a new house. We would have to rely on others to care for the children while we made all this happen.
The job was offered at the beginning of this year. I accepted, but held off for a month in order to get some things in order on our end. During that time, I didn't really think about leaving the kids. It was too heartbreaking. My kids are my life. And with the changes, I was afraid I would somehow lose their love. So saying goodbye that night was the hardest thing I ever had to do.
About halfway to the city where I'd be working, I stopped to grab a cup of coffee. An image came to mind. I have long loved Broadway shows. Miss Saigon was based on a picture of a Vietnamese woman pushing her child into the arms of an American soldier with the hope of giving her child a better life. In essence, that's what I was doing. I'm temporarily allowing someone else to raise my children, while I work to make a better life for us all.
This image helped some. I still miss my children very much. In fact, I am rejoicing in the fact that I get to see them and my husband tomorrow. But it has gotten a little easier day by day. I don't ever want to lose the emotional connection with my kids. That's my biggest fear. But this journey is temporary, and God will see us through. I am trusting Him.
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